chiqui

"do you usually bring lunch to school?"
"yes, my sister does…but i eat at the canteen," i answered, slightly nodding.
"what do you usually eat for lunch?" tiya asked as she stood, stooping down at me. we were at the kitchen and the next day would be the first day of classes again.
"anything fried…"
"so hotdog’s ok?"
i nodded. i was still feeling a little scared and uncomfortable with tiya. and just like in any interrogations like this–no matter how simple–when i feel uneasy with myself, my involuntary response would be to keep on nodding and answering yes, maam or yes, sir. in this case,it was yes, tiya. so i think i’m justified by the way i answered tiya’s next question.
"you know how to cook?"
"yes, tiya." my biggest mistake so far. and i mean the biggest…
"ok, so you’d be the one to prepare your baon for lunch…" tiya said something more but the first line said it all. i was stupefied and it was then i realized my huge error.
‘uh-oh,’ i kept thinking to myself, watching blanklessly as tiya kept speaking and i continued nodding submissively. i should’ve kept my mouth shut.

so the next morning i went down at the dirty kitchen, where the maids were, and kept worrying in my mind that i was going to cook. the maid who was the cook told me that she already took the fish out of the freezer. i looked at the defrozen tilapia fish and tried hard not to look stupefied because i was already feeling that way.
"you can start frying now," the maid cook said smilingly at me.
i looked at the fish again and nodded. "ok," i said. and stared at the fish some more. then after some minutes passed i readied the frying pan, heated the oil and ceremoniously carried the laddle on one hand. as i waited for the oil to be fully heated i noticed the maid cook’s stare at me.
"won’t you put salt on the fish first?" she asked.
i felt like a fool. ‘oh!’ i thought inwardly as i clearly forgot about that. so i put salt on the fish and self-consciously started frying afterwards. all the four maids watched as i stood in front of the stove and pretended in vain that i knew what i was doing.

the second morning was supposed to be easier. i was only going to fry some hotdogs for our lunch. so i readied the fan, heated the oil, and put the hotdogs on the frying pan. but only a few minutes passed when i rolled the hotdogs with the laddle and realized they were already burned and the other half was already black.
"susmaryosep!" the cook maid uttered as she saw what i did. i realized then that she was standing beside me. "haguy, you really dont know how to cook," she commented. i reacted by biting my lower lip.

we were to have tilapia fish again for the third day. i no longer forgot to put on salt but as i poured on the oil at the pan, the cook maid commented–because she was beside me–that i should put more oil.
"but i’m only going to fry two fishes," i reasoned, as if i had the right to reason in cooking, considering my gourmet skills and knowledge.
"no, you should put more oil," the cook maid said. "or else…" i forgot why.

when i told these stories to my friends they kept laughing at me. they agreed with the cook maid that i should put more oil in frying fishes and said i must have put more oil instead in frying the hotdogs. they also laughed and told me that they were surprised to know that there’s really a person like me who doesnt know how to cook. they thought such persons only exist on tv. they laughed as they remembered that i texted them last summer asking them how much oil to use in frying dried fish. they said they originally wanted to pull a prank on me by telling me it’s supposed to be deep fried. i remembered, too, that i texted another friend on how to cut the onions to be used for scrambled eggs. that friend taught me well–including how to peel the onion’s skin! i already know how to that, at least–the peeling part.

i became a laughingstock for being unable to cook but i took it good-naturedly. the maids have also understood already that i was no cook but tolerated me in the kitchen, anyway. when i would worry that the sausage i was frying didnt seem to be showing any signs of being fried after a long wait, they eased my worries by explaining to me the intricacies of cooking and assured me it was going to be cooked. i just had to wait. and when i worried more in frying several fishes, they lightly told me not to worry because the fire would just stop burning once the fishes get cooked.

i have grown up without lifting a finger at home that i ended up not knowing anything about cooking. but i couldn’t keep on being ignorant. especially when i’m the grandchild of a lady whose well-known for being a talented cook and especially that things are different now. so i guess i just have to keep on trying cooking.

    When my mother was still around with us, i didnt have to do anything but grumblingly wake up late in the morning, lazily eat my meal, and drudgingly do my morning routine such as taking a bath and getting dressed.  All these took me thirty minutes each to do, by the way. and when i arrived home, all i had to do was to wait for our supper to be prepared, do whatever i want, and complain that i had to wash the dishes–again! there are alterations for this, though, because there would be nights–lots of nights, consecutive nights–when i would go home really late or really early the next morning.
    But when mama left my sister and i to go somewhere far because it was decidedly the only way which she could do to save our family and to survive, everything changed. first of all, my sister and i moved to a distant relatives’ house. mama still has no work to support us so in the meantime it was this couple, who were our distant relatives, who would support us everything from our school needs to our basic needs.  because of this settlement, my sister and i would have to help in the household chores. we were no longer the princesses we used to be.
    There were already four housemaids, a houseboy, and a driver working for them but Tiyo had told us that we had to at least give a hand in doing the chores during our free times. part of the agreement was also to concentrate on our studies and observe the curfew time at 9 pm. and before we moved to them, some relatives had secretly warned me about Tiya. they whispered that everytime Tiya’s around i should show her that i’m holding a broom or wiping some display items. they said that if ever there would be a problem, it would be her.
    so of course when we  moved in, my sister and i were forced to change. we had gotten used to getting up at almost noon but since our first morning at our new place we forced ourselves to get up at 5.30. then we had to fix our bed, make sure our stuffs and the whole place is not in a mess and that everything was exactly how they were when we first arrived. we took our meals with the helpers and voluntarily washed the dishes. after that, there were always something to do. and there were always dishes to wash. i felt hesitant in just sitting down and watching or being in the room and just read or text. i had to be where the action is. i had to be where the maids were so that in case Tiya comes around, she wouldn’t think that i’m just a liability.
    my sister and i easily adjusted to the routines of our new place. mealtimes were always early and on time. sometimes we assisted in setting the table and cleaning it up after meals. Tiyo and Tiya ate separately from and before us. and with the crowing of the cocks and chirping of the birds, which they have plenty outside of the house, it always gets sleepy after lunch. so then we would take siesta. and then snacks afterwards, the serving routine, suppertime, washing of the dishes, and early to bed because there’s a rumored ghost or white lady in the house. i no longer get to watch tv because the maids watch diff tv shows from the ones i prefer and besides, since moving there i already feel sleepy at 9 in the evening.
    things didn’t necessarily change much when classes started but there were considerable changes. for one thing, i began bringing my lunch to school. i used to just eat at the canteen or eatery with my schoolfriends. second, i no longer arrive late in school. the day’s become long from 5.30am to 9pm. Third, i want classes to get serious already because i had nothing to do but hang-out at school while classes are still irregular. i kind of lied to Tiyo and Tiya bout my sched because i wanted to stay out as much as possible so i could escape from the chores and from acting good and im forced to go home early, anyway.
    My carefree days are somewhat gone but im not complaining…for now. i feel that im being forced to be tamed but sooner or later i know my rebellious nature would come out. unless i quell it first.
    During the times mama kept scolding me for being lazy and irresponsible,  she kept telling me that when she’s no longer with us,  it would be the time when we would feel sorry for ourselves and learn to understand everything she’s been trying to teach us.  i think i would never feel sorry for myself but i understand almost everything now. some things have become clearer, too. no matter how laidback or carefree my nature is, i was never meant to be a princess forever.